How to Believe

For even the most spiritual among us (and I am one of them), believing in what we cannot see, touch, measure or mark on a calendar can be pretty challenging—especially when we’re faced with a seemingly insurmountable problem or when we’re asked to understand a concept so abstract that our brains shut down and announce, “Sorry, no template found.” But to be able to believe is to be able to hope, and hope is one of our greatest allies in life.

So how do we even begin to teach our children how to believe?

Last week Henry lost the teeny-tiny key to a very special bank he’d received from his grandfather at Thanksgiving. Every night Henry’s been pouring the change from the bank onto his bed, counting it and placing it coin-by-coin back inside the bank. It’s been a soothing and important activity for him. So in some respects, his reaction to the lost key was understandable. You see, before he even looked for the key, he burst into tears: “What if I never find it? What if I can never open the bank again?” He was so paralyzed with grief he was unable to believe—even when logic might have told him that the key was probably still right in his bedroom.

I sat down on the floor with him and hugged him and I told him that we would find the key, but that he had to believe we would find it, too. Finally, he nodded and stood to help me look. We found it within a few minutes nestled deep in a bin of Hot Wheels cars. “See,” I said. “I knew we would find it.” His response: “But, how did you know?”

“Faith” is coupled with the word “practice” for good reason: to believe in the face of hardship takes work. It takes patience and a positive attitude. It takes the repeated daily action of squelching worry and releasing the mind to a healthy dose of magical thinking. It also takes trusting in the goodness of the world and the people we’re sharing it with. Some days we just need to pull on our invisible t-shirts that say “Everything is Possible” in big bold letters, and face the day. Of course, what’s possible might take a different or unexpected form from what we originally envisioned, but if we don’t purposely widen our eyes, the possible might never come into view.

That’s why I think teaching our children how to believe starts by cultivating their capacity for awe—exposing them to wonder as much as possible and teaching them to not only take time to marvel at something, but to appreciate the feeling they get when they witness the impossible. Out in the woods, down by the pond and in your own backyard—this is where awesome is happening all the time. You don’t need to go far to find something in nature that defies logic … from the ant carrying a load five times her size over unimaginable distances to the seed that pushes through a clump of dirt to become a beautiful flower. It’s the way a snowflake looks through a microscope, and then the way it unites with other snowflakes to beautify and quiet whatever it falls upon. Or, how Venus dazzles even on a cloudy winter night.

But, it takes more than just pointing out these miracles. We also need to demonstrate our own amaze-ability in front of our children. Maybe that means shutting off the radio in the car to enjoy the full moon in silence, or going on a special trip after dinner just to watch a blue summer sky melt into orange and pink and purple over the horizon. Maybe it simply means saying “Wow!” a little more often, and, “Can you even believe that?!”

Because moment by moment, wonder by wonder, they just might. And when they do, everything really is possible. That’s what I think, anyway.

Merry Christmas!